Heliocentric

I'm a bit of a sun worshipper, not in the sense that I go out and get a leathery tan as soon as the weather gets warm or anything, but I just always feel like the sun being out in full force, in a mostly cloudless sky, assures me that the day will be good. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, I guess, because if I am in that frame of mind then the day probably will be decent and bearable, even if it isn't spectacular or anything. When I was little I would always try to look directly at it through my fingers or through a pair of sunglasses--maybe it was the allure of the forbidden, like God. Who wouldn't try to sneak a peek if God revealed itself in front of you, even though it would blind you forever? When it comes out in the morning, it kills the darkness, and all of the dark feelings and thoughts that keep me up late into the night. That's probably why I prefer to sleep in daylight--I feel safe at last.

In October (or November, this last year) when we change the clocks and it starts to be fully dark by 4:30 or 5:00, I feel so bereft. It's dark when I wake up and it's dark when I leave to go home in the evening.

The sun is responsible for our existence, and for every aspect of our survival. When our most distant ancestor somehow sparked into life in the primordial ooze, he was made up of the dust of stars like the sun. For some reason I find that very reassuring--I feel the connectedness of the known universe. Major figures in history are often held up as being representative of the same sort of awesome force--Julius Caesar, Christ, Louis XIV. Its worship is the origin of countless world religions over the ages. In astrology, the sun is my ruling "planet". I always kind of felt bad for signs like Capricorn, whose ruling planet is Saturn. I mean, when do we ever get a glimpse of Saturn? How much of an effect on anyone's daily life does Saturn have? It's sort of been assigned all of these arbitrary characteristics based on the figure it was named for, but if, like me, you don't really believe the movement of the stars has anything to do with whether or not you will come into money this week or make a new romantic connection, what use is it?

I understand why ancient people assigned deities to natural aspects--they didn't have many answers in the way of science to explain the world, so they gave the sun and the moon and the oceans human characteristics (superhuman, I guess) because that made the most sense. But what I don't understand is why people today still look at a tree, for example, and say or think they see God in the tree. Why can't you just appreciate the tree for its own existence? Be thankful for the miracles of natural science that make it possible for trees and oceans and people to exist.

I'm not an Atheist, really. I understand people crave the divine and somehow take comfort in the thought that there are reasons we cannot fathom for certain happenings. Oftentimes I also feel relief or happiness thinking that when I am dead I will understand everything and be reunited with people I've lost and experience eternal happiness. I have hope that this will happen, but I don't really have a belief deep in my soul. And more and more I find it really hard to accept organized religion as anything but divisive. We are already divided on so many lines--language, nationality, skin color, political beliefs. Why throw more fuel on the fire of existence? Why can't we all just believe in humanity and acceptance and love for the things we can see and feel above anything else? That's divine in my eyes.

I didn't really intend to get off on a religious tangent there! I guess reading Brent's blog got me thinking about what I believe. Anyway, when Dec. 21 arrives, it's always a relief to me because it means the days will start getting longer again, even though I won't see the effects of it for several more weeks. And I certainly won't feel much in the way of any warmth for several more months. Now it's January 31, so we are a little closer.