Monday, August 25, 2008
Mood Swings
I don't know why, maybe it's hormones, the crap weather, post-vacation blues, whatever. My mood is all over the place this week. I went from incredibly happy on Saturday to completely in the dumps today. Not even about anything specific, just feeling frustrated and blue. It doesn't help that my boss can be a complete harridan at times. Even if it's not directed at me, it's still not fun to be around! I've been thinking about buying this really cute purple coat that's in the window of the shop down the street from my job. Maybe that will perk me up? Blah, what a boring post!
Monday, August 4, 2008
Thirty
So, people have been asking me to write something about turning 30. I don't really know what to say. I guess I made my peace with it (for the most part) several months back so it kind of doesn't really feel like something I need to write about at this point. There was a point where I had intended to spend my 30th birthday hugging a bottle of Patron tequila and getting an ankle tattoo, but after some contemplation that came off a bit desperate and sad. And I don't feel desperate and sad. I've said several times that it feels similar in some ways to turning 18. I feel a little more self-assured, a little more free, a little more like an adult, but those were feelings I'd been having for a while now. Aging--it's what happens to everyone, and really, it's not as if I went from 29 to 50 overnight or anything. I do feel lucky that I live in a time and in a city where being a single 30-year-old woman is pretty normal. I probably would have felt a lot worse if I hadn't made some changes in the last year and a half, and I don't just mean quitting waiting tables.
I have to say that the day itself was very nice, a Sunday, my favorite day of the week. I had a beautiful and delicious brunch at I Coppi with an excellent group of people who also seemed to enjoy themselves, and who were very nice and patient with the somewhat tipsy guest of honor. After brunch a few of us went to see Mamma Mia, which was cute but not great. And after that we went out on the town and had drinks. I made it home about 12 thirty that night, and certainly (OK, side note, someone just walked by my window wearing only body paint and a white thong--I don't know, just wanted to put this post in context for you all) had a full day. So thanks to everyone who shared it with me, and thanks to everyone who couldn't be here but who called, sent gifts, cards, MySpace and Facebook comments, etc. I mean, it's great that we have so many forms of communication now, there's really no excuse for not acknowledging your friends' big days. I need to be better about it myself.
I should also thank God or Mother Nature or Science or Satan or whoever the fuck decided to remind me that morning that I am still a woman. You really made my day!
And thanks to me, for being me and loving me and buying me some lovely gifts for myself. I love you, me! Hee hee.
P.S Recent celebrity sightings: Martha Plimpton; Albert Hammond, Jr. and his girlfriend Agyness Deyn.
I have to say that the day itself was very nice, a Sunday, my favorite day of the week. I had a beautiful and delicious brunch at I Coppi with an excellent group of people who also seemed to enjoy themselves, and who were very nice and patient with the somewhat tipsy guest of honor. After brunch a few of us went to see Mamma Mia, which was cute but not great. And after that we went out on the town and had drinks. I made it home about 12 thirty that night, and certainly (OK, side note, someone just walked by my window wearing only body paint and a white thong--I don't know, just wanted to put this post in context for you all) had a full day. So thanks to everyone who shared it with me, and thanks to everyone who couldn't be here but who called, sent gifts, cards, MySpace and Facebook comments, etc. I mean, it's great that we have so many forms of communication now, there's really no excuse for not acknowledging your friends' big days. I need to be better about it myself.
I should also thank God or Mother Nature or Science or Satan or whoever the fuck decided to remind me that morning that I am still a woman. You really made my day!
And thanks to me, for being me and loving me and buying me some lovely gifts for myself. I love you, me! Hee hee.
P.S Recent celebrity sightings: Martha Plimpton; Albert Hammond, Jr. and his girlfriend Agyness Deyn.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Boy Meets God; Boy Falls In Love; God Isn't Real
Okay, so maybe it's a little more, Boy Meets God; Boy Falls In Love; Boy Becomes Disillusioned and Withdrawn When Forced to Confront the Harshness of Living; Boy Decides God Isn't Real and/or Has Forsaken Him; Boy Comes to Terms With the Fact That You Have No Way of Knowing, But That Life Requires Living.
Of what do I speak? I finally watched Ingmar Bergman's Winter Light last night, after it had been sitting on my coffee table for about six months. It's the second in the Trilogy I wrote about several months back.
Although it is much slower and heavier than Through A Glass Darkly, I actually liked it more. It's the story of a (Protestant) clergyman who, after experiencing war and death, ends up feeling cut off and abandoned by God, no longer sure if God even exists, and unable to be an effective shepherd and counselor to his congregation. The black and white film truly enhances this work, acting as a bleak backdrop of despair and lifelessness. There is plenty of classic Bergman dialogue; here is an amazing example:
Priest: If there is no God, would it really make any difference? Life would become understandable. What a relief. And thus death would be a snuffing out of life. The dissolution of body and soul. Cruelty, loneliness and fear--all these things would be straightforward and transparent. Suffering is incomprehensbile, so it needs no explanation. There is no creator. No sustainer of life. No design. God--why have you abandoned me?
He doesn't want to believe this. He wants what so many of the ultra-religious truly want--to feel special in God's eyes, to feel blessed, to feel pride and arrogance at "knowing" the answers.
Not to go off on a tangent here, but I definitely hit my spiritual crisis at around the age of 15 when a lot of things in my life sucked and several people in my family died. I couldn't understand what kind of God would allow or cause these events. The way I eventually reconciled this was to sort of decide that if there even is a God in the Judeo-Christian sense of the concept, it is the God of the Deists. The clockmaker who set the world in motion but does not interfere. Maybe there are reasons for life's difficulties, maybe not. Either way, at the very least the bad times allow us to appreciate the good times that much more. So people die--without death, what would be the point of life?
Anyway, I think this falls in line with the ideas espoused in the film. I'll wrap up with this brilliant monologue:
Parishioner: The passion of Christ, his suffering [referring to the beatings/indignities Christ suffered on the way to his execution, as depicted in the Mel Gibson film of the same name]. Wouldn't you say the focus on his suffering is all wrong?.....This emphasis on physical pain.....I feel he was tormented far worse on another level. Maybe I've got it all wrong. But just think of Gethsemane, Pastor. Christ's disciples fell asleep. They hadn't understood the meaning of the last supper or anything. And when the servants of the law appeared, they ran away, and Peter denied him. Christ had known his disciples for three years. They'd lived together day in and day out, but they never grasped what he meant. They abandoned him, down to the last man. He was left all alone. That must have been painful. To realize that no one understands. To be abandoned when you need someone to rely on. That must be excruciatingly painful. But the worst was yet to come. When Jesus was nailed to the cross, and hung there in torment, he cried out, "God, my God. Why has thou forsaken me?" He thought that his heavenly father had abandoned him. He believed everything he'd ever preached was a lie. In the moments before he died, Christ was seized by doubt. Surely that must have been his greatest hardship? God's silence.
Of what do I speak? I finally watched Ingmar Bergman's Winter Light last night, after it had been sitting on my coffee table for about six months. It's the second in the Trilogy I wrote about several months back.
Although it is much slower and heavier than Through A Glass Darkly, I actually liked it more. It's the story of a (Protestant) clergyman who, after experiencing war and death, ends up feeling cut off and abandoned by God, no longer sure if God even exists, and unable to be an effective shepherd and counselor to his congregation. The black and white film truly enhances this work, acting as a bleak backdrop of despair and lifelessness. There is plenty of classic Bergman dialogue; here is an amazing example:
Priest: If there is no God, would it really make any difference? Life would become understandable. What a relief. And thus death would be a snuffing out of life. The dissolution of body and soul. Cruelty, loneliness and fear--all these things would be straightforward and transparent. Suffering is incomprehensbile, so it needs no explanation. There is no creator. No sustainer of life. No design. God--why have you abandoned me?
He doesn't want to believe this. He wants what so many of the ultra-religious truly want--to feel special in God's eyes, to feel blessed, to feel pride and arrogance at "knowing" the answers.
Not to go off on a tangent here, but I definitely hit my spiritual crisis at around the age of 15 when a lot of things in my life sucked and several people in my family died. I couldn't understand what kind of God would allow or cause these events. The way I eventually reconciled this was to sort of decide that if there even is a God in the Judeo-Christian sense of the concept, it is the God of the Deists. The clockmaker who set the world in motion but does not interfere. Maybe there are reasons for life's difficulties, maybe not. Either way, at the very least the bad times allow us to appreciate the good times that much more. So people die--without death, what would be the point of life?
Anyway, I think this falls in line with the ideas espoused in the film. I'll wrap up with this brilliant monologue:
Parishioner: The passion of Christ, his suffering [referring to the beatings/indignities Christ suffered on the way to his execution, as depicted in the Mel Gibson film of the same name]. Wouldn't you say the focus on his suffering is all wrong?.....This emphasis on physical pain.....I feel he was tormented far worse on another level. Maybe I've got it all wrong. But just think of Gethsemane, Pastor. Christ's disciples fell asleep. They hadn't understood the meaning of the last supper or anything. And when the servants of the law appeared, they ran away, and Peter denied him. Christ had known his disciples for three years. They'd lived together day in and day out, but they never grasped what he meant. They abandoned him, down to the last man. He was left all alone. That must have been painful. To realize that no one understands. To be abandoned when you need someone to rely on. That must be excruciatingly painful. But the worst was yet to come. When Jesus was nailed to the cross, and hung there in torment, he cried out, "God, my God. Why has thou forsaken me?" He thought that his heavenly father had abandoned him. He believed everything he'd ever preached was a lie. In the moments before he died, Christ was seized by doubt. Surely that must have been his greatest hardship? God's silence.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Turn Left
Only Who fans would understand this post, and I don't know any in person, but let me just say:
BAD WOLF
Amazing!
BAD WOLF
Amazing!
Friday, June 20, 2008
House On Fire
So, my stepdad burned down the kitchen at my parents' house yesterday. Everything is ruined. They are going to have to re-do the room, buy new plates, silverware, all that kind of stuff and also buy new furniture and mattresses and do some re-upholstering for the rest of the house because the smell doesn't leave fabric. Even their clothes will probably have to get sorted through and seen what can be salvaged. Luckily my Mom and my Grandpa were up in Georgia, so they weren't there to watch it happen. But now they are going to have to go back to Florida sooner than expected, which is too bad because my Mom was planning to take my Grandpa to the new WWII Memorial in Washington, DC next month. AND they aren't going to be able to live in the house for about 6 months, so now they have to find a rental home. I'm still planning to be down there in August for about a week, but now it looks like I will definitely be staying at my Dad's house in Boynton Beach while I am there.
Hopefully, in the future Louie will not start cooking with grease and then walk away and forget about it!
Hopefully, in the future Louie will not start cooking with grease and then walk away and forget about it!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Across The Pond
Yesterday evening, my friend Desiree and I booked a trip for next May to England, Scotland, and Ireland! I'm VERY excited about it, as we've been trying to get it together for a while now. We are going to stay in London for 5 nights, Glasgow for 2nights, and Dublin for 4 nights. Our booking includes airfare and hotels, so we won't have to worry about that stuff when we are there. Breakfast is included in Scotland and Ireland, too. So all our money can go toward day-to-day expenses and between-city travel.
There are so many things I want to see and places I want to go when we are there. Luckily we have a good long time to plan. Already on my list for London are the Tower of London, National Portrait Gallery, Westminster Abbey, and Harrod's department store. In Scotland, I have to do a little research, but we are planning to daytrip over to Edinburgh, so I know I want to see Edinburgh Castle. In Ireland, it looks like we will be going to the Guiness Storehouse, the James Joyce Centre, St. Patrick's Cathedral, the Jameson Distillery, and Dublin Castle. I'd love to see some ruined castles during the trip, also. Apparently the Scottish Borders are good for that!
If anyone has any advice on cool stuff to see that is a little off the regular tourist map, please let me know!
There are so many things I want to see and places I want to go when we are there. Luckily we have a good long time to plan. Already on my list for London are the Tower of London, National Portrait Gallery, Westminster Abbey, and Harrod's department store. In Scotland, I have to do a little research, but we are planning to daytrip over to Edinburgh, so I know I want to see Edinburgh Castle. In Ireland, it looks like we will be going to the Guiness Storehouse, the James Joyce Centre, St. Patrick's Cathedral, the Jameson Distillery, and Dublin Castle. I'd love to see some ruined castles during the trip, also. Apparently the Scottish Borders are good for that!
If anyone has any advice on cool stuff to see that is a little off the regular tourist map, please let me know!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Dreaming
I had a funny dream the other night. I was a member of a Destiny's Child-type of girl group with Beyonce Knowles (-Z?) and we were supposed to go to some big event one night and she and I had a fight because she and her Mom wanted us all to wear red dresses, but I wanted to wear a purple dress. I thought it would be stupid to all wear the same color. The dresses came in like, 5 different colors, and they were all jewel-toned, so i thought it would be better if we each wore a different color. Well, Beyonce was having none of that. So I stayed home instead of going to the event. We all made up the next day. Also, this whole thing took place at my grandparents' house in Macon, GA (which they moved out of 4 years ago), and Beyonce was like, related to me. Verrrry strange. Lots of random stuff knocking around in my head lately!
Last night I went to dinner with Lester and this friend of his named Lens. It was good to see him again. It had actually been about a year since the last time we hung out. We also went back to the apartment afterwards and I got to see Judith and see what they've done with the place since I left. It looked very nice, mostly the same, except that Lester now lives in my old room. That room looked amazing. The carpet was pulled up and underneath was a beautiful wood floor! I wish I had known that! The walls have also been painted and they got those weird sized shelves down somehow. Muff and I tried to get them off and couldn't, so I don't know how they did it, but it definitely freed up some more space in there. It really made me want to move out of my current place. But I don't think I can beat the rent situation I have now. And I'm in a pretty convenient neighborhood. Ugh! I wish I had more money, I'd move straight to Park Slope!
Last night I went to dinner with Lester and this friend of his named Lens. It was good to see him again. It had actually been about a year since the last time we hung out. We also went back to the apartment afterwards and I got to see Judith and see what they've done with the place since I left. It looked very nice, mostly the same, except that Lester now lives in my old room. That room looked amazing. The carpet was pulled up and underneath was a beautiful wood floor! I wish I had known that! The walls have also been painted and they got those weird sized shelves down somehow. Muff and I tried to get them off and couldn't, so I don't know how they did it, but it definitely freed up some more space in there. It really made me want to move out of my current place. But I don't think I can beat the rent situation I have now. And I'm in a pretty convenient neighborhood. Ugh! I wish I had more money, I'd move straight to Park Slope!
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